Calming Financial Fight or Flight: How to Manage Stress-Induced Spending & How Financial Dysregulation Impacts our Spending
We've all heard of the fight or flight response—our body's natural reaction to perceived danger. When our brain senses a threat, it signals us to either confront the danger (fight) or escape it (flight). This response is deeply ingrained in our brain's amygdala, the part responsible for processing emotions, memories, and sensory inputs. When triggered, the amygdala increases our heart rate, pumps adrenaline into our system, and releases a cocktail of chemicals to prepare us for action. This primal response, often called the "lizard brain," has evolved over millennia to keep us safe.
The Amygdala Hijack
However, the fight or flight response comes at a cost. During high stress, our amygdala can become dysregulated, leading to what's known as an "amygdala hijack." In this state, our brain is so focused on survival that it diverts energy from critical thinking, problem-solving, and logical reasoning. Essentially, our ability to make rational decisions is compromised.
The Connection to Money
You might be wondering, what does all this have to do with money? A lot, actually. The amygdala's role in managing emotions means it can significantly influence our financial decisions. When we're stressed or dealing with challenging emotions, we often seek ways to feel better, leading to impulsive spending as a form of self-regulation. For many, the temporary dopamine hit from buying something new provides momentary relief from stress or discomfort.
I can relate. For a long time, my go-to solution for stress was shopping. Whether it was convincing myself that new makeup from Sephora would make me feel better or justifying a massage because I was so stressed, my brain was hijacked by the fight or flight response.
Falling into this pattern of behavior is bad for your budget and for your brain. If you’re spending recklessly, it can often lead to additional financial stress such as an accumulation of credit card debt, falling behind on bills, or missing your savings goals. This additional stress adds to the state of dysregulation and once you feel “underwater” with your finances, your brain truly goes into survival mode, where it’s not properly equipped to spot opportunities, think critically or solve problems.
I fell into this pattern one too many times. I felt like I was chronically in credit card debt, and this pattern led me to realize the need to calm my financial nervous system and put measures in place to slow down impulsive spending.
Implementing Guardrails
To manage this, I introduced several strategies to create financial guardrails:
Switching to a Cash-Based System: I had to cut my reliance on credit cards. I started creating a budget and pulling out cash for daily expenses to better track spending. There is also a psychological component of spending with cash- you truly have to ‘separate’ from it, as opposed to swiping and praying. Being conscious of my cash helped me temper my impulse pucrases.
Turning Off Apple Pay: I had to removing the convenience of digital payments, or just dropping in for a cup of coffee when I was on a walk. I needed to become conscious of my spending, and Apply Pay just made it too easy to purchase.
Deleting Auto-Fill on Google: Ordering online was my kryptonite. Again, deleting auto-fill made online shopping less seamless… If I need something, I had to physically get up and get my credit cards out of storage.
Getting New Credit Card Numbers: Believe it or not, I had my credit card numbers memorized. So even when I had auto-fill and Apple Pay turned off, I could still buy online if I needed to. I called my bank to get new card with new numbers to help break the cycle of easy access to credit.
Freezing Credit Cards: I then took those credit cards and put them into a zip lock bag full of water and put them in the freezer. This physically and energetically froze my credit. If you cannot control your spending, you should not be using credit cards! If needed for an emergency, I could break the ice with a hammer to get them out! This prevented prevent impulsive use.
Unfollowing or blocking influencers from my social media apps: We love a lady that hustles, and love to support entrepreneurs, but they can get their coin from someone else while I’m in debt. Influencers are marketers for products and will utilize many psychological tactics to get you to feel like you HAVE TO BUY. Like your life will improve when you make this purchase! I am aware of these tactics and made it a point to lovingly block or unfollow influencers that made me feel like I had to always click “buy.”
Waiting 48 Hours Before Purchases: Everything that I wanted to buy, whether a loaf of bread or an eye lash curler, went on a list. I created a mandatory cooling off period to reassess the need for an item. I created rewards for myself for following this system. When I went to a store & followed my list to a tee, without putting anything extra in my cart, I would move some of that money saved from my groceries into my “fun budget” so I could spend it without guilt when I had enough saved for what I wanted. Think about it- would you rather $20 go to waste at the grocery store on a few extra pints of Halo Top and some kale that will go bad, or would you rather have that go towards a new Reformation dress?
Replacing Dopamine Hits
I also found healthier alternatives to achieve the dopamine hits I craved from shopping:
Creating Pinterest or Vision Boards: Channeling the urge to shop into creative outlets helped me envision the compelling future I was pursuing and strengthened my resolve to my goals. I know that the future version of me was going to need to level up her financial habits and creating vision boards helped me visualize the future version of me.
Going for Walks or Exercising: Using physical activity to clear my mind and reduce stress was huge. I would use this time to listen to motivating podcasts, call a friend or do a walking meditation.
Playing Games: I gamified my whole life! Part of the struggle in creating new habits is that it often feels like something pleasurable gets taken away from us. Gamification gives us new milestones to focus on to create dopamine for achieving goals! As I mentioned above, when I went to a store & followed my list to a tee, without putting anything extra in my cart, I would move some of that money saved from my groceries into my “fun budget” so I could spend it without guilt when I had enough saved for what I wanted. I created a “chore chart” of sorts, hung it on my fridge, and gave myself “stars” for completing my daily goals, then gave myself a reward when they were all met at the end of the week!
Making money: There’s nothing more pleasurable than making money! I poured my energy into selling items I was no longer using on Facebook Marketplace. I cleaned out my closet and did a clothing swap with my girlfriends. I sold old designer pieces on The Real Real. Most of the money I made went towards paying off my debt, and I kept some for fun. In addition, I threw myself into growing my business to see larger financial gains.
Processing Feelings & Reflecting on Your Money Story
Understanding and acknowledging our emotions around money is crucial. We interact with money all of the time, but don’t often think much about it.
Journaling: Writing about my thoughts and feelings, including the reasons behind impulse spending. This practice also includes affirmations and manifestation exercises.
Walking and Talking: I’m a big fan of walking and ‘talking to text’ on my phone to vocalize my thoughts, either through a talk-to-text app or voice memos. I feel like my true feelings flow out when I’m in motion.
Your relationship with money is shaped by your thoughts and experiences. Reflecting on this can provide valuable insights. Here are some journal prompts to explore your money story:
When I receive money, I feel...
When I look at my bank account, I feel...
One good thing I did with my money this month was...
When I have the money I want, I think I will feel like this...
I am wealthy in so many ways that don't include my bank balance. The ways I am wealthy are...
One thing I want to thank God/universe/source for is...
Conclusion
Calming your financial fight or flight response requires awareness, deliberate action, and ongoing reflection. By implementing guardrails, finding healthier dopamine hits, and regularly reflecting on your emotions and money story, you can develop a healthier relationship with money. This journey not only leads to better financial decisions but also fosters a sense of control and peace in your financial life.
